Lord Of The Rings

I'm not a fry guy.

God knows the potato has it's place, but when it wants to snuggle up beside my burger in fry form, I'm just not that into you, Frenchy.

Now before I reject Mr. Potato altogether, a well crafted "salad of the potato" can be my burgers plate bitch any time it likes.

Same goes for you, Cabbage Patch.........a perky slaw will always be welcomed.

Which brings me to the onion ring.....some think the ring is unapproachable and snobby....("What, you want me?  Going to cost you $1 more than that spuddy riff-raff"; yes, you get 50 of them and 5 of me.....quality, not quantity, Zippy!)

I, however, embrace the pretentiousness the golden circle brings.  Certainly, it is only one of two things that make ketchup palatable in any way (those who are informed know the second is the bacon sandwich).  In the condiment world, ketchup is the stretchy pant......all function, zero class.  The ring lends it's class to lowly stretchy pant, making it an ensemble that can actually be worn out in public.

Therefore, unless the fries are exceptional at the place I am reviewing, you will find me ordering rings a lot.

Also, in my reviews you will find a scale of greasiness.....denoted by a scale of 1 to 5 Lipitors.  1 Lipitor suggests the grease quotient of a vegan picnic (ewwwww....) and 5 Lipitors denotes enough oil is present to be a BP "accident".  Just as a side note, I really do take Lipitor now.......I'll need a punch bowl full of them to complete this project.

In each review, I will also be pointing out things like ambiance (!), tips and tricks, things to seek and avoid and in some cases, service.

So, after 3 posts, it's time to get starte.......

Nope, not yet.  One thing is left.....

The "famed" Punshon Rule.......which states the following....

"Greasy spoon breakfasts are defined on the basis of two things.  The lesser being the quality of the coffee; the greater being the quality of the home fries"

This may or may not be a direct quote.

(I won't even begin with the Cuschieri rule, which involves baked beans.....later, I swear)

TIME TO REVIEW!