Olympia Grill - Mississauga, Ontario

OLYMPIA GRILL

1 DERRY ROAD EAST

MISSISSAUGA, ONTARIO

L5T 2Z8

GPS

N43 DEG., 38.815

W079 DEG., 42.347

OVERVIEW

Through the years, The Olympic Flame, as it once was known, was always a good back up plan if I got bored of Super Macks for breakfast.  It was fairly good, but became less and less as the years went by.  It closed and re-opened in a new format a few months ago, so I decided to check in.

ORDER

Banquet Burger, Onion Rings, Coke

COST

$12.75 CDN

GREASE SCALE

3.5 Lipitors.  Burger was so juicy, I got a spot on my shirt.  I'm going to give it an extra 1/2 Lipitor for that alone.

AMBIANCE

Well, it's been completely re-modeled inside, with no more cafeteria style ordering.  You get sat and you get a waitress!  The truckers who have been coming here for years won't know what to do with themselves.  All very clean, shiny and new!  The restaurant.....not the truckers.

DO'S

The burger was fantastic!  Homemade, juicy, cooked to perfection and delicious.  As many connisseurs know, a banquet burger is topped with both cheese and bacon.  A real shocker when it arrived; peameal bacon!  It was not advertised as such, so this was a very pleasant surprise!  The waitress was delightful and I must point out that their dill pickle choice (the secret surpise in burger enjoyment) was inspired.  Less grocery store variety and more on the deli dill side of things.

DON'T

Ok, so you had me at hola with the fine burger AND the super dill choice AND the pleasant waitress AND the freakin' peameal bacon, and then you finish with a cheese slice.  Really?  After all that, you couldn't grate some Cracker Barrel?  Oh, okay, I won't hold it against you, Olympia Grill.  I will however hold it against you that my onion rings were the frozen variety.

YUMMING UP

Deciding to spend a little more by taking the 407 across the city?  Find that you're doing it around lunch time?  Get off at Hurontario and drive a block south.  You'll be here.  I guarantee you'll enjoy the burger!

Big City Diner - London, Ontario

BIG CITY DINER

681 HIGHBURY STREET NORTH

LONDON, ONTARIO

N5W 4L4

GPS

N42 DEG., 59.747

W081 DEG., 12.205

OVERVIEW

As said before, never discovered much independent grease in London before.  So I decided to try this puppy out in the eastern part of Canada's second wealthiest city (hoping the grease would be more upscale!).  As noted in the picture, business wasn't exactly booming on this Tuesday lunch rush.

ORDER

Cheeseburger, Fries (they come together, platter style), Gravy, Coke

COST

$14.15

GREASE SCALE

2.5 Lipitors.  London seemes to be very grease conscience.  It's a disturbing trend.

AMBIANCE

Very clean and new.  I have a sneaking suspicion that, judging by the decor, it used to be a mid-priced Italian joint.  Very big and airy with large booths.  It lacks the usual tacky diner object d'art, yet replaces them with tacky Italian ones.

DO'S

As outlined in "Lord Of The Rings" screed, I'm not much of a fry guy.  I was dubious at first that fries came with my burger.  I even ordered gravy to be the buffer condiment to be on the safe side.  How wrong I was!  The fries were spectacular!  Homemade and fried to perfection, and then seasoned with a black pepper and onion powder concoction.  Grave was really not required, but still yummy.  Also, real frommage topped my burger.

DON'T

Huge bun issues here.  It was fresh, but totally unsuitable to carry my 8 oz. of ground beef.  This is when diners try to be different, without thinking of the diner experience.  The bun was very dense and chewy.  I suspect it was made with potato flour.  The bun is to be the silent conspirator to the burger experience, not part of the story.  You lose all flavour of the burger and cheese when you are too busy chewing the bun!  Please, please, please learn the words "Fresh Wonder".  As a side note, my burger was overdone.  (I have to start asking for medium-well when I'm in London)

YUMMING UP

I could go on about bun issues all day, but the fact that the fries were stupendous wipes all that away.  Also, it seems a very light, cheery place, so I would recommend it to anyone.

Toasters - Cambridge, Ontario

TOASTERS

1531 EAGLE STREET NORTH

CAMBRIDGE, ONTARIO

N3H 1E1

GPS

N43 DEG., 24.263

W080 DEG., 20.822

OVERVIEW

I have a usual greasy spoon I usually go to in Cambridge, so I thought I would try something new.  I had heard through the cholestoral grapevine that this place is standing room only on the weekends for breakfast.  Not wanting to endure a line up, I went at noon on a Monday

ORDER

Mozza Burger (their version of a cheeseburger), Onion Rings, Coke

COST

$12.79 CDN

GREASE SCALE

A truly spectacular 4 Lipitors.  Burger comes with real mozza, a pile of fried onions and a very juicy burger.  I think my arteries were quaking when they saw it.

AMBIANCE

Again, more of the Geritol set than expected.  However, if you can find a piece of vinyl that is NOT ripped, I would be surprised.  These people need Restaurant Makeover (without the pretentious chefs and fey, overbearing interior designers, of course) something fierce.  It wasn't dirty, just decrepit.  I wonder if there is such a thing as a interior design exorcism.....

DO'S

Have exactly what I ordered.  First of all, the helpings are huge.  My juicy homemade burger was 8 oz. and done to perfection.  Slaw came along with the meal anyway, was mayo based, and had a hint of what I think was pineapple juice.  I think they gave me 30 onion rings. (I should have counted......sigh).  The waitress was delightful, and absolutely earned her $4 tip.  As mentioned before, the mozzarella was real.  Bun freshness was solid.

DON'T

Look around you....or let the feel of exposed foam on your ass bother you.  Yes, it's that bad.  Also, although bun freshness was good, bun was a little chewy for a burger......the chewy bun is really more for deli.  Also, my onion rings, however plentiful, were frozen.  Grrr.

YUMMING UP

Perhaps the reason everything is falling to pieces is that they are giving you so much quality for the money.  I'll fidget on exploding booth stuffing any time for that deal.  But it has given me an idea.  Feng shui for greasy spoons?  On second thought, no.  Toasters is about 5 mins of the 401, so if you're going by, it might be an option.  Just remember your sewing kit.

Zet's - Mississauga, Ontario

ZET'S

6445 AIRPORT ROAD

MISSISSAUGA, ONTARIO

L4V 1E4

GPS

N43 DEG., 41.582

W079 DEG., 37.647

OVERVIEW

I went to high school about 15 minutes north of Zet's and when the S & S in Brampton lost it's allure (please don't ask), our 18 year old selves would venture down to Zet's to see if we could pick up stewardesses.  By that statement, you can tell it was 1983.  The stewardesses were 1. female and 2. under 25.  As airline industry hiring practices have changed over the years, the presence of Zet's as a 24 hour den of grease has not.

ORDER

Pork souvlaki dinner w/rice and greek salad, Coke

COST

$15.75 CDN

GREASE SCALE

Sadly, only 3 Lipitors.....for now.  I'll go back and try their breakfast and re-evaluate.

AMBIANCE

Much better than I remember.  It looks like they've had a redo inside.  Roomy and relatively tidy.  Didn't venture into the bathrooms though.  Booths and chairs are in fine condition.  Keeping in mind that this is Malton,  they have the United Nations of clientele, which gives a greasy spoon some multi-cultural flair!

DO'S

Have something Greek.....just for the homemade tzaziki!  It is superb, with a soft butter consistancy.  And they don't skimp on it.  (a major pet peeve of mine at Greek restaurants).  Also, they toss the greek salad for you, before plating it.  No more lettuce, tomato, feta, dressing layers.  The night I was there, veal parm was the special, and it looked wonderful.  Pork portion was sizable, and well seasoned, however.....

DON'T

it was dry and overcooked.  I first became suspicious when my dinner was presented so quickly.  Usually, there is a longer wait for pork souvlaki because, well, it's pork.  They have to make sure it is cooked all the way through and because as meats go, pork is quite dense.  I have a sneaking feeling that they pre-cook the 'bobs, and then warm them up on the grill when ordered.  WRONG!

  

YUMMING UP

I promise to make a return visit here to try something else.  Perhaps, I should have gone with the burger/ring combo for consistancy sake.  Also, I failed to mention that there was enough garlic in the tzaziki that 3 days later, I was still tasting it.  Which is a good thing.

Taprobane Restaurant (breakfast) - Guelph, Ontario

TAPROBANE RESTAURANT

160 KORTRIGHT ROAD WEST

GUELPH, ONTARIO

N1G 4W2

GPS

N43 DEG., 30.836

W080 DEG., 13.122

OVERVIEW

Guelph has always lacked a quantity of greasy spoons.....blame it on the hippies.  You can't get too much polyunsaturated fat when you're ordering the spelt and sprout roll-up.  As I like to call it, Guelph is "Berkeley North".  Amid all the soul patches, unshaven armpits and hackeysack balls, I discovered this place in a strip mall.  I know you're wondering about the name....so did I.  I googled it.  It's an island near Sri Lanka.  There, you and I learned something.

ORDER

The "Triple Combo" and coffee

COST

$12.17 CDN

GREASE SCALE

3 1/2 Lipitors.....the underdone bacon added the half-Lipitor

AMBIANCE

I know what you are thinking....strip mall?  However, no melamine to be found!  All wood, fairly clean and tidy and new.  Although I wasn't really paying attention, I seem to remember quite nice art on the walls....but that just might be my imagination.....oh, and lots of old people gumming eggs. (not neccessarily a bad sign).

DO'S

Well, where do I begin?  This was a tremendous surprise.  My scrambled eggs were done to perfection (slight creaminess) without a special request.  BOTH the Punshon and Cuschieri Rules are observed here!  Home fries are homemade, perhaps a little bland, and a little soft for some, but they have potential.  Along with my 3 eggs, 3 sausages, 3 bacon and 3 slices of ham was a small ramiken of baked beans! See, was it that hard? Informed grease epicurians will note the absence of the annoying orange slice.  The waitress was very nice and was very attentive to your coffee needs.

DON'T

If I was going to quibble, it would be that the bacon was slightly underdone, and they need to work on the coffee a little.  It was a little wimpy.  Which may be for their over-100 crowd.  (I kid.  Why? Because I love.)

YUMMING UP

Greasy spoons have a history of excelling and then quickly going under in the Royal City.  Let's hope Taprobane bucks the trend of the latter.  A better location and a better name may help with that.  A genuine delightful shocker!

People's Foods - Toronto, Ontario

PEOPLE'S FOODS

176 DUPONT AVE.

TORONTO, ONTARIO

M5R 2E6

GPS

N43 DEG., 40.545

W079 DEG., 24.174

OVERVIEW

A little gem hiding in the Annex.  I discovered this place in the 80's when I got cravings for bacon sandwiches at 3 AM.  I hadn't been back (and quite frankly, I'd forgotten about it), until a friend moved into an apartment right across the road in 2005.  It's tiny, with only six booths, but Kathy and Voula will look after you.

ORDER

Cheeseburger, Onion Rings, Coke

COST

$12.05 CDN

GREASE SCALE

3 Lipitors.  You won't mind the lack of grease after you taste the onion rings.

AMBIANCE 

Tired.  It needs a full redo inside.  Nothing is broken, and nothing is falling off the wall, but mini jukeboxes filled with Celine Dion invites disaster.  Bathrooms have been redone, but you have to go to the basement for them.

DO'S

You MUST have the onion rings.  They are homemade, fried perfectly, and are the best I have had in the city.  Also, the cheeseburger is devine.  It is a homemade patty and not too overdone.  Bun Freshness is perfect.  They even know how to toast a bun properly.  Milkshakes are made from real ice cream.

DON'T

....be late.  They have some very weird hours.  They close at 5 PM on Saturday and Sunday.  Nope, I don't understand it either.  Also, with only six booths, you can imagine the line-ups at breakfast times.  Line-ups are quite common at noontime on weekdays.  There is no parking, and parking spaces are sometimes at a premium on Dupont (if full, try Huron Rd.).  The one complaint I may make that is food related is that the menu is too big.  I can't imagine everything being good.

YUMMING UP

I can't say I've ever had anything bad at People's, however, as a way of getting another opinion, I have a friend who admitted she didn't like it as much as I do. I forgot to ask her why (I suspect it had something to do with breakfasts). I will get back to you on that.  Otherwise, if you are downtown or midtown and find yourself jonesing for some rings, this is the place to go.

Super Mack (Breakfast) - Mississauga, Ontario

SUPER MACK

5960 DIXIE ROAD

MISSISSAUGA, ONTARIO

L4W 1E9

GPS

N43 DEG., 39.286

W079 DEG., 38.793

OVERVIEW

The Jerusalem of grease.  It begins here.  The story of my love of greasy spoons started right here, as a 15 year old with my dad  (he ordered a hot dog, sans bun, pickles on the side....they looked at him like he was insane).   That was IN 1980!  Even more unbelieveable?  Some of the same guys work there.  Really.

ORDER 

Sausage w/scrambled, toast, home fries, coffee

COST

$5.50 CDN

GREASE SCALE

3.5 Lipitors......sausage and home fries sufficently moist....and real butter is involved in everything.

AMBIANCE

Trucker Chic.  Beer fridge is displayed prominently, lots of discarded Toronto Suns about, melamine and booths in fair condition.  Guys bathroom is a disaster....I can only imagine the girls....although with no Sunshine Girls over the urinals in the boys loo, it must get docked half a star in Trucker's Zagat.

DO'S

I'm starting with my breakfast review here; the lunch/dinner one will come later.  After coming here for 30 years, you can imagine I've had almost everything on the menu.  The great thing about the breakfast here is it's value.  The Punshon Rule is obseved; home fires are fresh and have a nice mix of crunchy and soft.  Paprika load is good.  Coffee is quite good as well.

DON'T

Sadly, The Cuschieri Rule is not in effect.  I've had a chat with them about it, but to no avail.  Also, they make a slight mistake that most do, they overcook the scrambled eggs a tad.

YUMMING UP

If you are coming to the city from the west one weekend, I encourage a stop by.  When the bill for two comes to $11.00 and you're full when you get back on the 401, who'll complain?

The Cuschieri Rule

A very simple one, as pertaining to breakfasts in a greasy spoon.  The rule states "the quality of the breakfast instantly improves with the presence of baked beans"

That may or may not be a direct quote.

This is a very British rule, for this is a common occurance in the Isles.  However, here in the New World, only a few have picked it up and placed it on the menu.

The reasoning (or lack of) escapes me.....outside of the bread, wouldn't a dollop of baked beans be the cheapest thing on the plate?  I'm sure it's close in cost to that irritating orange slice that restaurants put on a garnish....newsflash, orange slice.....no one likes you.  You're all symbolism (look, I'm fresh!) and no substance.

Heres hoping the Cuschieri Rule catches on......and the orange slice gets juiced!

Dandy's Char Broiler - London, Ontario

DANDY'S CHAR BROILER

1120 WELLINGTON AVE.

LONDON, ONTARIO

N6M 1M2

GPS

N42 DEG.,55.861'

W081 DEG.,13.215'

OVERVIEW

I go to London a lot, but for some reason, I always find myself at chains.  Just one of those oddities, I guess.  So I need to do a little more investigation on London's greasy spoons.  I decide to begin at Dandy's.  I've been once before, but it was so long ago, I needed to refresh my palate!

ORDER

Dandy Burger w/ cheese, onion rings, coke

COST

$11.11 CDN

GREASE SCALE

3 Lipitors, but so much potential was wasted.  Could have been a solid 3.5 if properly cooked.

AMBIANCE

Actually, quite nice.  Everywhere was exceptionally clean (well, by greasy spoon standards.), and the melamine was in very good repair.  However, in one of the most bizarre things I've seen, they have spread their menu over 2 walls, from FLOOR TO CEILING.  Talk about over-compensating.  Tragically however, people still don't know what to order when they get to the register.  Now that's irony.

DO'S

Order anything with cheese on it.  It's real! (I have a particular revulsion to process cheese.  I'll eat it, but when real cheese is presented, I celebrate).  The guy ahead of me ordered a club sandwich.  It looked spectacular.  Chicken breast straight off the grill, lots o' bacon, and real cheese.  I think I will order next time I'm there.  Noticed that the fries were fresh, not frozen and my onion rings were homemade.  Bun freshness was good.

DON'T

My burger was a frozen model, and then waaaay overdone on the grill.  The burger should not be crispy, and the loss of grease is tragic.  Rings, as mentioned, were homemade, but again, overdone for my taste.  I'm also going to be picky about the relish.  I always have relish on a burger, but whatever brand they're using left me with a weird aftertaste.  Bick's, people....and only Bick's

YUMMING UP

I'm going to say the Dandy's experience was average, but this may be a lesson for all to learn.  The Greasy Spoon burger option may not be the best, so don't dismiss until you've tried something different on the menu.  I think I'll go back and try that Club I saw.....

Tunnel Bar-B-Q - Windsor, Ontario

TUNNEL BAR-B-Q

58 PARK STREET EAST

WINDSOR, ONT

N9A 3A7

GPS

N42 DEG.,19.035'

W083 DEG.,02.253'

OVERVIEW

A Windsor institution, this is a place I have been to many a time, and a great start for our tour......a fabulous "pigsicle" will be enjoyed!

ORDER

2/3 SLAB SIDE RIBS (AKA "RIBS FOR ONE), COKE, COFFEE, COCONUT CREAM PIE

COST

$28.71

GREASE SCALE

A solid 4 out of 5 Lipitors.  Because of the ribs being from the side instead of the back, grease/fat is abundant.  And delicious.

AMBIANCE

If you are my age, (45) and I say "your parents basement in the 70's". you'll get the vibe....no shag carpet, sadly, but wood panelling galore.

DO'S

The cole slaw is an absolute must.....it comes with every meal.  I'm not usually a fan of oil/vinegar based slaws, but this is perfection!  In all seriousness, one of the best slaws I've ever had.  I usually order extra.  Also, Tunnel makes three homemade sauces that are at your table.  House, Spicy and Molasses/Garlic.  The ribs come nude (no sauce, just seasoning), and you are in charge of bathing them.  I always go Molasses/Garlic......krinkle cut fries (frozen) comes with the meal as well.  Drenching them in the sauce makes them palatable.  Tunnel also seems to have homemade desserts....I'm skeptical that they are made there....perhaps off-site, but are definatley not Sara Lee/McCain type of frozen.  I've had a number of them, and they are a little over the top for me, but good.

DON'T

Avoid the bread......dinner comes with rolls and crackers.....I can't say I've ever tried the crackers, but the rolls always seem to be 3 days old.  Filling up on bread will never be a problem here.  Also, don't get too offended by the service.  I get the feeling some of the waitresses have been there for years and look right through you.  Ignore it and just think of what she will deliver...

YUMMING UP

Tunnel Bar-B-Q is one of 3 places I like to go for greasiness when in Windsor.  I can honestly say I've never had a bad meal there.  One bit of warning though, because they are side ribs, they are not going to "fall of the bone".....chewing and knawing will be involved to satisfy your inner Flintstone.

Lord Of The Rings

I'm not a fry guy.

God knows the potato has it's place, but when it wants to snuggle up beside my burger in fry form, I'm just not that into you, Frenchy.

Now before I reject Mr. Potato altogether, a well crafted "salad of the potato" can be my burgers plate bitch any time it likes.

Same goes for you, Cabbage Patch.........a perky slaw will always be welcomed.

Which brings me to the onion ring.....some think the ring is unapproachable and snobby....("What, you want me?  Going to cost you $1 more than that spuddy riff-raff"; yes, you get 50 of them and 5 of me.....quality, not quantity, Zippy!)

I, however, embrace the pretentiousness the golden circle brings.  Certainly, it is only one of two things that make ketchup palatable in any way (those who are informed know the second is the bacon sandwich).  In the condiment world, ketchup is the stretchy pant......all function, zero class.  The ring lends it's class to lowly stretchy pant, making it an ensemble that can actually be worn out in public.

Therefore, unless the fries are exceptional at the place I am reviewing, you will find me ordering rings a lot.

Also, in my reviews you will find a scale of greasiness.....denoted by a scale of 1 to 5 Lipitors.  1 Lipitor suggests the grease quotient of a vegan picnic (ewwwww....) and 5 Lipitors denotes enough oil is present to be a BP "accident".  Just as a side note, I really do take Lipitor now.......I'll need a punch bowl full of them to complete this project.

In each review, I will also be pointing out things like ambiance (!), tips and tricks, things to seek and avoid and in some cases, service.

So, after 3 posts, it's time to get starte.......

Nope, not yet.  One thing is left.....

The "famed" Punshon Rule.......which states the following....

"Greasy spoon breakfasts are defined on the basis of two things.  The lesser being the quality of the coffee; the greater being the quality of the home fries"

This may or may not be a direct quote.

(I won't even begin with the Cuschieri rule, which involves baked beans.....later, I swear)

TIME TO REVIEW!

Criteria And The "Punshon Rule"

I have the enviable position of being able to travel a lot.  Nothing exotic, mind you, but it allows me to sample some very tasty grease.

I travel from Antogonish, NS to Long Beach, CA during the course of a calender year.  Since most of this travel is done through driving, stopping off a suitable looking dive is quite easy.

Many of the intial posts will be about places I've been going to for years, with some new ones thrown in.  I will list the address for each, the GPS co-ordinates, number of visits, cost at the time of review, and order.  Taxes will be included.

For the most part, I will stay away from chains.  With 2 exceptions.  When something out of the ordinary happens when I visit a chain restaurant (ask me about the spectacular Big Mac I had in Charlottetown on July 28, 2010), I'll let you in on the 411.  Also, if chains that are foreign to where I live (Southern Ontario).  This is also known as the In 'n Out Burger Rule.  So, you may get a review of The Waffle House, Zaxby's or El Pollo Loco once in a while.

I will try to have either the same thing at each restaurant, unless a specialty is part of the restaurant's lore.  Also, I will order things that are time-specific......no burger at 8 AM, kids!  Which leads me to another point.

The term "greasy spoon" throughout history has referred to breakfasts as well.  They will not escape my perview.  We will see if they rise up to the famed "Punshon Rule"

I know you don't know what that is........but you will!

Why Now?

I have a friend who inspired me.  She opened a blog to let out her daily observations on life.  She's very good at it.

I, however, am not.  Believe me, I've tried.  I'm from a very creative family, so I began to think at a very young age I had a birthright to become Picasso or Hemmingway.  Sadly, I think I got the math gene.

My ruminations on my daily occurences, thoughts, feelings (some would say I have neither) and wanderings proved to be very banal when typed in.  Also, my loathing for navel-gazing and narcissism kicked in. 

Blogging was not for me.

Then I quit smoking.

Most people quit because it, at some point, adversely affects them.  I, however, loved smoking.  Apart from one small incident, it has not affected me.  I came to the realization that as much as I loved it, it was bad for me.

I broke up with smoking. 

So, the inevitable substitution plan began.  This involved food......lots of it. 

While I was was munching on my onion rings at Wally's (review coming soon!), I decided to take my inspiration that my friend had given me (blogging) and combine it with my current withdrawl symptoms (eating).

Hence, the Greasy Spoon Diaries were born.